Masterchef creates haute cuisine from junk food

A new Instagram account is brilliantly skewering the small portions and elaborate plating of high dining by making junk food look like a five-star meal.

RU PLANNING ON LISTENING TO PHIL COLLINS AND CRYING ALL NIGHT? Y NOT SIT AT THE BAR AND EAT THIS INSTEAD??? HOSTESS CUPCAKE W/ RAINBOW DUNK-A-ROOS, YOGURT RAISINS, SOME NIBZ AND STRBUCKS MOCHA FRAP CAVIAR. TINY MINT AND A PIECE OF FANCY MOSS! #allthesingladies #foodporn #valentinesmenu #soigné #cheflife #chefsofig #truechefs #gastroart #wildchefs #dunkaroos #cupcakes #yogurtraisins #pastrychefsofig #phil4ever #thatmosstho

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This one is made out of a Hostess cupcake with rainbow Dunk-A-Roos, yogurt raisins, Nibz, and Starbucks mocha frappe caviar with a tiny mint “and a piece of fancy moss.”

The anonymous owner of the account pokes fun at their crappy palette by using the pseudonym “Chef Jacques Lamerde.” If you speak French, you get it.

🙌🙌🙌 IF U LUV GUMMI DINOS BROS. PURPLE GOGURT CREMA W/ CHOPPED UP CREAMSICLE AND POWERADE GEL #getsome #foodporn #chefsofig #pastychefsofig #gastroart #truecooks #hipsterfoodies #dessert #chefstalk #theartofplating #gogurt #cheflife #myhardcorecheflife #dinosaurs #thatsafreakintrexbros

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Gummy dinosaurs, purple Go-Gurt crema with a chopped up creamsicle and Powerade gel.

And the chef is great at making total junk look super fancy. For example, look at this delicious Lunchables kielbasa w/ pickle spheres, pork rinds, tostitos salsa con queso fluid gel, and powdered cheese from boxed mac and cheese.

VALENTINES W/ US MEANS EVERYONE GETS TO PLAY HIDE THE KIELBASA!!! LUNCHABLES KIELBASA W/ PICKLE SPHERES, PORK RINDS, TOSTITOS SALSA CON QUESO FLUID GEL AND SOME OF THAT PWDRD CHEESE FROM MAC AND CHEESE. #foodporn #gastroart #chefsofig #truechefs #theartofplating #wildchefs #lunchables #cheflife #porkrinds #modifiedmilkingredients #seabeans #romance

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The chef said its too early for their garden, so they had to “forage” this “Dolé” salad from the Piggly-Wiggly.

STILL EARLY FOR OUR ROOFTOP GARDEN SO HAD TO FORAGE THIS HEIRLOOM "DOLÉ" ARUGULA AT THE PIGGLY WIGGLY. SPAM TORCHON W/ FUZZY PEACHES, WHITE CHEESE BALLS AND NUTS W/ LOCAL GREENS. #foodporn #instafood #spam #fuzzypeaches #wildchefs #chefsofig #saladporn #yeahhhh

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It’s also got Spam torchon with fuzzy peaches, white cheese balls, and nuts with local greens.

A Hungry-Man meal never looked so good.

CLASSIC COMFORT FOOD. ON OUR MENU WE CALL THIS "THE HUNGRY MAN DINNER" B/C ITS ACTUALLY A HUNGRY MAN DINNER. (BROWNIE NOT PICTURED!!!) #foodporn #chefsofig #instafood #instachefs #comfortfood #hungrymandinner

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How about some SpongeBob SquarePants “zoodles?”

BROS BROS BROS!!!! HOLLA AT US IF UR LOOKING TO GET THE MEAT SWEATS 2NITE!!! THIS IS A DUO OF POGOS W/ MARBLE CHEEZE SLICES, HONEY HAM ROSETTES, SPONGEBOB SQRPANTS ZOODLES AND MUSTARD TEARS!!!! #meatsweats #pogos #soigné #foodporn #theartofplating #truecooks #gastroart #hipsterfoodies #plateswagger #honeyham #innovation #chefsofig #finedining #foodart

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Plus Pogos with marble cheese slices, honey ham rosettes, and mustard tears.

Or some surprisingly appealing Hot Pockets?

WHATS UP GUYS. CRAZY BRUNCH SERVICE TODAY BUT JOSE IS RUNNING THAT SHIZ SO I AM WORKING ON 2NITES SPECIAL. HAY BAKED HOT POCKETS W/ HIDDEN VALLEY BACON RANCH SPHERES AND A PUREE OF ZOODLES (WHOLE WHEAT). #foodporn #instafood #chefsofig #wildchefs #hotpockets #ranchspheres #saturdaynightfever

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Made with “Hidden Valley bacon ranch spheres and a puree of zoodles.”

Kinder eggs may be illegal in the U.S., but Chef Jacques has got them on lock.

KINDER EGGS ARE ILLEGAL IN THE US BUT JOSE GOT US A SWEET HOOK UP FROM THE SAN SALVADOR BLACK MARKET SO WE R RUNNING A SICK SPEC. KINDER EGG FILLED W/ RAW CAKE BATTER ROMANCED W/ CHARRED RICE CRISPIES, PB, GOJI + MESQUITE POWDER. DONT TELL THE FEDS!!! #contraband #foodporn #chefsofig #gastroart #artofplating #pastrychefsofig #cheflife #wildchefs #kindersurprise #ricecrispies #getsome #stickittotheman

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He said he got ’em through a “sweet hook up from the San Salvador black market” and filled one with raw cake batter, “romanced with charred Rice [K]rispies, PB, goji + mesquite powder.”

You thought Bagel Bites were tasty? You’ve never seen them like this.

1567 COVERS LAST NIGHT AND OUR POS WENT DOWN AT 5:45. BROS! I WAS SWEATIN BALLS!!! 3 HRS OF SLEEP AND BACK AT IT !!! #YOLO!!!! 2NITES SPEC = HAWAIIAN BAGEL BITES, CHEETOS, BABY CARROT + RANCH PURÉE, SMALL VEGETABLES AND CHIPOTLE OIL #foodporn #onthemenu2nite #chefsofig #wildchefs #chefshare #theartofplating #gastroart #hipsterfoodies #truecooks #bagelbites #aloha

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These Hawaiian Bagel Bites also have Cheetos, a baby carrot and ranch puree, small vegetables, and chipotle.

Here’s an Easter-themed delicacy.

LUV IT WHEN SYSCO ARRIVES 6 HRS LATE AND ROLLS IN MIDSERVICE WIT A DROP FULL OF MISPICKS!!! BROS WE GOT 2 CASES OF MUSCLE MILK INSTEAD OF 2%!!!! ARGHH! WONT STOP US FROM RUNNIN A TIGHT S'MORE PEEP DESSERT SPEC MASH UP THO!!!! GRAHAM CRACKER PASTRY CREAM, GENERIC BRAND CHOCOLAT CAKE FROM THE FREEZER SECTION, BANANA POPSICLE CHUNKS, MUSCLE MILK SPHERES, PEEP, GUSHER CRUDO !!!!!!! #smpeeps #soigné #finedining #gastroart #pastrychefsofig #foodart #plateswagger #theartofplating #nextlevel #moleculargastronomy #tweezers #cheflife #musclemilk

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It has graham cracker pastry cream, “generic brand chocolate cake from the freezer section,” banana popsicle chunks, muscle milk spheres, Peeps, and Gusher crudo.

Now go enjoy a Pop-Tart with the pride of someone eating a filet mignon.

RASPBERRY POPTART PARFAIT W/ VANILLA SNACKPACK + GRAPE CRUSH SCENTED GEL AND ENHANCED W/ MIKE N IKES, CRY BABIES AND FRUITY MENTOS. #foodporn #chefsofig #wildchefs #theartofplating #pastrychefsofig #instafood #gastroart #soigné #poptarts #thefreshmaker #ithoughtiwasyoursnackpack

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Or you could enjoy this raspberry Pop-Tart parfait that includes a vanilla snackpack and Grape Crush-scented gel with “enhanced Mike & Ikes,” Cry Babies, and fruity Mentos.

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